Human: Squirrel Hazing -- Cat Cults

What Is A Cult?

*cult (kùlt) noun 1. a. A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader. b. The followers of such a religion or sect. 2. A system or community of religious worship and ritual. 3. The formal means of expressing religious reverence; religious ceremony and ritual. 4. A usually nonscientific method or regimen claimed by its originator to have exclusive or exceptional power in curing a particular disease. 5. a. Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion to or veneration for a person, principle, or thing. b. The object of such devotion. 6. An exclusive group of persons sharing an esoteric, usually artistic or intellectual interest.

noun, attributive Often used to modify another noun: a cult figure; cult films.

[Latin cultus, worship, from past participle of colere, to cultivate.] - cul´tic or cult´ish adjective - cult´ism noun - cult´ist noun

How Can You Identify A Cat Cult?

Cat cults are found primarily indoors and involve more than one cat.

The Warning Signs

Warning signs your cats may be members of a cult.

Cult members "Do", "Re", and "Mi" stand guard as "So" sleeps.

The group is focused on a living leader(s) to whom members seem to display an over-zealous commitment.

Cult members "Mi" and "Fa" lead two new members to meet with "La" and "So".

The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

Cult members "Mick" and "Keith" have passed out after a three day cat-nip binge.

The group is obsessed with obtaining and using cat-nip.**

"Kilo" and other cult members must spend twenty hours a day in worship and meditation.

Members are expected to devote their lives to the group's beliefs.

"Faye" is the cult's morale officer.

Sex is often used to suppress doubts about the leader(s).

"Fa" prepares for one of the cult's numerous prayer meetings.

The leader(s) dictates how members should think, act, and feel.

Young cult member "X-on" fights back as he is punished by "Lenny" for challenging the status quo.

Members found guilty of questioning, doubt, and dissent are punished.

"Hillary" tries to think of something to do with her spare time.

The group causes them to leave behind family, friends, personal goals, and activities that were a part of the member's life before joining the group.

"Bob" and "Newt" kick back in front of the pool.

The group claims an exalted status for its leader(s) and members.

"Groucho" made the mistake of sharpening his claws on the community bed.

The leader(s) induces guilt in members in order to control the group.

"Re", "Newt", and "Spot" bond with each other as they rest in front of the fireplace.

Members are usually required to live and socialize only with other group members

"Clark" is seen here begging to take a fifteen minute nap after 12 hours of prayer. "Ito" is unimpressed.

Members must get permission from leader(s) to mate, eat, sleep, and use cat-nip.**

Note: The first roll of film with pictures of the cult's prayer meetings was confiscated by "La" before we left; however, the second roll of film with pictures of cult members within their compound was smuggled out by "La's" associate, "So". We regret that we don't have any pictures of the prayer meetings.

*The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition copyright © 1992 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Electronic version licensed from INSO Corporation. All rights reserved.

**Cat-nip abuse has increased 170% since 1992.