4/13/97

The squirrel "suicide" you witnessed was probably accidental. Many squirrel "sots", "drunks", or "oilies", as they are referred to within the squirrel communities, seek out peanut oil* in the most dangerous of places. Many squirrels die within zipper-lock bags, discarded peanut butter jars, and the beer-stained floors beneath baseball stadium bleachers.

The only way humans can prevent this is to make sure they throw their trash away in squirrel-proof trash receptacles.

In regards to the criminal activities you witnessed, I think what you are mistaking as gangs of squirrel thugs is nothing more than a large squirrel fraternity performing the squirrel equivalent of community service. Remember, squirrel laws and human laws are completely different from each other and neither acknowledges the other.

*"Peanut Oil" abuse has been linked to 75% of all squirrel hazing deaths.