4/13/97

The good news is that you didn't witness a squirrel murder. The bad news is that it appears that "Transformer Hopping" is, in fact, a real form of squirrel hazing. Worse even, it appears that our worst fears are well founded: squirrel hazing has evolved into "double hazing."

The squirrel fell at the same time that you witnessed a bright flash.

The power went out in the area at the same time as the bright flash.

All the squirrel "Observers" and the "Judge" left the area immediately without expressing any concern for the victim.

The second victim of the "double hazing" ritual checked on the body. This was done either to see if the victim was OK, to see if the ritual was really over, or it was done as an expression of shock (no pun intended, really -- ed.)

The point of whether or not the squirrel exploded into two smoky pieces or remained intact and un-smoked is moot.

If you still feel you may have witnesses a squirrel homicide, you can proceed to the nearest tree and report it to the squirrel authorities. Since squirrels and humans don't acknowledge each other's laws, going to human authorities will only result in a psychiatric evaluation.