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Bob...you need help. In fact all of your friends need help. There are two organizations that specialize in your particular situation. If they aren't what your looking for, then I have a few suggestions.

When your bored or looking for something fun and exciting to do, consider the following:

• Play a full contact sport like American football, rugby, or hockey. Use an acorn as the ball/puck. Appoint the Squirrel Hazing Judge as the ref.
• Run for President. (It's about the same as playing a full contact sport.) Appoint the Squirrel Hazing Judge as a member of the Squirrel Supreme Court.
• Initiate a squirrel government-enforced war against peanuts. (It will become a full contact sport as soon as the "oilies"* realize they can't get their fix for the same low prices they're used to.) Appoint the Squirrel hazing judge as the Peanut* Czar.
• Spend your energy preparing for the Animal Olympics. Appoint the Squirrel Hazing Judge as the Judge representing the Squirrel Team, then rake in the gold.
• Declare a neighboring squirrel territory as a threat to world peace. Send Squirrel peacekeepers in to set things straight. (Guaranteed to erupt into a full contact sport.)

I hope this might be of some benefit to you and your furry brethren. Certainly it's better than being squashed underneath a two ton truck!

P.S. I'm impressed with your computer knowledge.

*"Peanut Oil" abuse has been linked to 75% of all squirrel hazing deaths.