6/23/97

There have been a lot of reports from people who have been attacked by squirrels after reading our site. Even worse, we've received a message from one squirrel who told us about the newest hazing ritual -- "Net Surfing" which is proof the squirrels now know about this site.

We're afraid we may have started something. Since this site was established in February of 1997, all the neighborhood squirrels have taken to gathering by our apartment window early in the morning to yell and curse at us. At first we ignored them...until they started throwing birds at our window.

There is a huge tree outside of our primary apartment window. This tree is a haven for small sparrow-like birds that like to play target practice with their...um, excrement...using car hoods and human heads as the targets of choice. These birds are quite noisy to begin with, however they are EXTREMELY noisy when they ricochet off the window at 6am. At first we thought they were baby birds learning the hard way that humans have cruelly invented solid invisible barriers to keep them and other undesirables out of our domiciles...until we went on a late night fishing trip and came home at 6 in the morning.

All we saw was little fluffy brown balls being hurled...not flying...from the tree to the window. Our first thought was that pine cones were being thrown at the window until we realized the tree wasn't a pine tree and therefore wasn't likely to contain pine cones. At that same time, a gardener wielding a diesel leaf blower (yes, leaf blowers at 6am...a normal part of apartment life in Houston...) walked around the corner to our apartment. This scared about a hundred squirrels out of the tree, clearing the way for us to examine what was being thrown at the window. What we found was tiny, stunned sparrow-like birds walking in circles -- hundreds of them -- all apparently suffering from massive physical trauma! That's when we realized, to our horror, that no birds flew out of the tree when the leaf blower came by! The squirrels had thrown all of the birds at our window!

We are now looking for a new apartment.

If you have been harassed by squirrels since reading this site, know that you are not alone!

SIB ACN Note: I cannot confirm or deny this incident.

*"Peanut Oil" abuse has been linked to 75% of all squirrel hazing deaths.