Human: Squirrel Hazing -- Public Reaction 2

I think I've recently spotted another form of squirrel hazing...Transformer Hopping.

There are a large number of squirrels in our neighborhood, and this being springtime, there's a particular squirrel I'll call "Dee Dee" who seems to delight in luring other squirrels to chase after her. She especially likes to cross roads using electrical lines. She always seems attracted to the ones which go to big honking barrel-shaped transformers at the line's terminus on poles. She herself is deft enough to hop gracefully from the line onto the pole, entirely missing the transformer. However, on at least one occasion, and perhaps twice, I've seen squirrels chasing after her hop on to the transformer and contact the naked leads. In the one obvious case, a squirrel I'll call "Spiro" hit the leads, froze for a fraction of a second with a peculiar look on his face, and proceeded to explode into two rather smoky pieces. In another case, an (apparently tougher) squirrel I'll call "Biff" may or may not have contacted the leads...maybe he just slipped...but he fell to the ground and took several minutes before he was able to even run in circles in my driveway. Eventually he recovered sufficiently to move rapidly in a straight line. -- m --

I am very interested to know what line of work i could get into that would allow me the free time and money to make a page like this. -- Metul

As counsel for the plaintiff, I must ask that you hereafter refrain from using unauthorized photographs of my client for the purposes of revealing the so called "squirrel hazing rituals". My client categorically denies any connection to any hazing community, real or fictitious.

I don't know how widespread this is in other parts of the country, but the squirrels at UCLA have organized into gangs and other criminally oriented groupings. It is not uncommon to be subjected to a "squirrel shakedown" while walking near a squirrel-infested area. One or more squirrels will approach and *demand* food, or demand to examine the contents of bags, books or other closed containers. This criminal activity is not caused by lack of food - local squirrels are so fat that most have bellies that drag along the ground (really!) - but some wanton disregard and disrespect of humans. One squirrel managed to acquire a human feeder, and if this feeder did not provide food at the proscribed time (usually around 2pm), said squirrel would *knock* on the glass of the feeder's office window. If said window was left open, the vandal would invite itself in and rummage through the contents of the office. It may have (although no proof is available) sent e-mail to its criminal cohorts.

For reasons of personal security, please do not include my name & e-mail if you decide to use this letter. Just sign me "Squirrel chump at UCLA"

PS - I've also witnessed squirrel suicide. I came across the body of a suffocated squirrel with its head entangled in a plastic sandwich bag. The bag had what looked like the remains of a P&J sandwich, so this may be a Peanut Oil induced death.

I hate to report this but I think I was a witness to this new form of hazing known as "Transformer Hopping" My wife and I were sitting in the dining room the other morning having coffee watching the squirrels play in the yard when suddenly there was a bright flash of light and a squirrel fell to the ground right outside our window. All the electric went out in the area. We noticed all the squirrels had disappeared, and then it happened! This lone squirrel climbed down the pole from the transformer that the "victim" had fallen from. He (or she, I couldn't tell) stopped about 4 feet from the ground and stared at the poor squirrel on the ground and then turned and left. The strange thing about all this was the squirrel on the ground was in one piece AND was not smoking! I'm still wondering if he or she was pushed from the transformer? I really hate to think that because that would mean squirrels can and will commit MURDER. Do you know what this all means? I hope so because I don't. --GARYC

When I lived in Indiana, I trapped 30 Squirrels per year in my yard in attempt to keep my bird feeder full. I transported them to parks in my area and released them. I had a lot of fun catching them over the years, but they always won out. I could never keep the feeder full. I think the squirrels all returned after a short stay in the park. -- Richard

Came across your site on yahoo's picks of the week, great stuff. It occurs to me that what you have discovered here applies to possums in Australia (apart from the cheek stuffing bit).

Excellent resource. In our close association with our local wildlife rehabilitation organization we see many of the results of the lethal behavior you have exposed. Even home schooling of orphans is not completely effective. Once sent off to make their way in the world - young squirrels often fall prey to hooliganism. I suppose it's that need for peer acceptance. Tragic.

Regarding transformer and power line hazing...power companies have long known of squirrelly fascination for electricity and may even keep records of this sport. A call to any power company might net you a surprising body of data.

I don't think possum sport can be considered a hazing activity. Possums are rather solitary creatures and don't tend to gather for entertainment. Breeding season is the exception - causing males to play bite the car tire in an effort to impress his date. This usually ends badly for the lover's - sometimes the female- overwhelmed with admiration, and possibly giddy with love - will get just a bit to far out in the road, cheering on her man. Bite the tire seldom ends well.. Most other car/possum encounters are caused by unfortunate musing behavior. Possums deep in thought, out strolling, pondering possumly things are struck down at their intellectual peak because like many great thinkers...it's to simple stuff that gets them - Road=Dead.

Two years ago during the Christmas holiday, my wife and I experienced another example of Squirrel Hazing commonly known as "The Santa Game" or "Ho-Ho-Ho-ing". While we were out of town for a few days, a young squirrel, surely "egged on" by his peers, arrived in our living room having used the fireplace chimney as access. Our fireplace has no flue, so his entrance was quite simple.

Once inside he proceeded to trash our new $1500 sofa with his soot covered paws, vandalize some cherished Christmas decorations, and generally make a mess of the place. Our elderly neighbor, who had been coming in daily to water our Christmas tree (don't think that the squirrels hadn't observed this from their high perches as they planned an escape for their pledge), had the beejeebers scared out of him when the menace, clearly awaiting Bob's arrival, met him at the door and escaped past him.

Oh, yeah, one item of note. Squirrels are often referred to as rodents, however, our insurance agent set us straight. Squirrels are vermin, and damage caused by them are not covered under a normal Homeowners policy.

Searching through Yahoo Picks of the week, and behold, there you were, with the answer to the questions that has been plaguing me for years.

Road Kill Specialty Cook Book ingredients sometimes call for squirrel meat. A delicacy, rumored to "taste like chicken". Ah ha, the address of these fraternal organizations should be listed in a section that deals with "suppliers". Perhaps the frat brothers/or sisters would care to publish their addresses? Then we who choose to cook specialty items could circulate the money into the squirrel community so their hazing rituals could be further developed.

I seem to recall an incident recently in the reliable press, about Dr. Kevorkian helping a squirrel, who was in the end-stage of CANED: {contracted - {while} Ambulatory-Nut Explosion Disease}, with an assisted suicide! And we dare to question why?

This also reminds me of Groundhog Hazing - of which our national media every February takes note. Bill Murray has made a movie about this hazing....commonly referred to as: Groundhog Day. Puxataunny Phil has been hazed for ions and our society looks forward to it. The relationship between the squirrel and the groundhog and the national media is evident.

Mobilization against this media hype and a move to correct the unduly invasive lives of these creatures should be a national agenda. Write letters to you Congressmen, Senators, Religious leaders, and the President.

Is this just a strange coincidence or could it be a conspiracy? I visited your page this morning, and later that day, when I was returning to my dorm, a squirrel ran within a foot of me and then crouched, as if ready to spring. Knowing that animals can smell fear (and remembering how deadly rodents can be from Monty Python's Holy Grail) I smiled and quickly walked away. They know! He must have seen me at my computer through the window! I urge all people who know about Squirrel Hazing to act carefully, and never be alone at night.

This is going to sound completely strange, but it's true. Not one, but two squirrels leapt to their deaths in front of my friend on two separate occasions on the Agnes Scott Campus (Decatur, Georgia). Both times she was walking from Agnes Scott Hall (commonly known as Main) to the Letitia Pate Evans Dining Hall, and the squirrels landed on the ground in front of her with broken, mangled little bodies. A new form of hazing? --ILS Lab

To Whom it may Concern, You should also be aware of the recent spawning of many squirrel "gangs" in several major cities across the United States. We have interviewed and studied several members of the New York City chapter of the "Hell's Rodents" and found that many of it's members came from poor litters or broken nests. These squirrels use hazing, not as a form of initiation, but as a necessary passing into squirrel-hood in the "big city". Often leading to such violence as carhopping and pedestrian jumping, these horrendous acts offer the perpetrator a sense of belonging in an otherwise cruel and miserable squirrel-eat-squirrel world. The addition of tattoos and leatherwear can further enhance the individuals feeling of being part of the gang.

In addition, the large population of rats in our subway system offers the squirrels a formidable challenge to maintain control of the "surface" environment in which they live. The daily struggles between these two groups for food, living quarters, and employment, has resulted in constant outbreaks of violence. The silence of the night is often broken by the cries of the dying victims; a rat attack gone bad. With this in mind, it appears obvious that fraternal brotherhood between squirrels is not just to soothe the mind of the troubled squirrel, but to ensure survival of the species...

NOTE: This story, for the most part, is true. Please feel free to edit it as you see fit. Thanks.

I am afraid to report of an entirely new threat to man kind. Our family is being harassed by a gang of three unruly squirrels. Over the past year they have been slowly taking over our house. Things started off innocently enough. We would laugh as we saw the cute squirrels would eat from the bird feeders and gather nuts from the acorn tree. Slowly we began to notice a change in our dog and cats. It was as if they were trying to warn us of something. The next thing we knew we were buying 60 lbs. of bird seed and our dog and cats seemed to always be hungry. Sure enough, the squirrels were hording all the food they could find and we had to resort to "other methods" to keep them from stealing everyone's food. Finally we were forced to feed all of our animals inside our house and simply could not afford the 60 lbs of bird seed per week (sorry birds). In retaliation to our actions the squirrels moved into our attic and walls and began to chase us as we tried to make a run for our cars. They are now constantly run in the rafters of our attic and can be heard as they make their way through the walls. The cats and dog are now climbing the walls as they here the little squirrel heathens raising cane at all hours of the night, and day. Now, don't get me wrong, I am an animal lover, but I am at my wits end trying to find a humane solution to this problem. I don't know how much more I can take before I resort to doing a little "extermination" or "demolition". If you notice any of this type of animal behavior in your neighborhood, stop it before its too late.

Alas...this is not really a new phenomenon. Teenage squirrels have been playing "chicken" since the mid 50's in my area. This is not fraternity hazing...it's a gang problem, plain and simple.

I believe I know why squirrels are so easy to squash. Because they are so low to the ground and that they are color-blinded, tires on a car look like holes to them and they literally dive toward the tire. No matter how hard you try to miss them you sometimes can't. My suggestion would be to try to hit them causing a very disoriented squirrel ("Why is my hole moving"). This theory also goes for rabbits. Perhaps through better education and counseling to our squirrel brothers and sisters we can stem this epidemic. Or just get by with less squirrels. -- Timothy

I am writing to inform you of a grave matter concerning squirrels and the abuse of peanut oil. As I was leaving my apartment yesterday afternoon, I was accosted by 10-15 squirrels reeking of peanut butter and one of them was even carrying the remnants of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. They were obviously hopped up out of their minds. I tried to just walk away but they started chittering angrily when I made the slightest move. One of them, the gang's leader I believe, made motions like they were wanting me to participate in a little cheek stuffing. I tried to show them that I have no cheek pouches. They wouldn't listen. They started pelting me with nuts. One even climbed up my leg, onto my shoulder, and tried to stuff a nut in himself. It was horrible. I finally managed to escape when their attention was drawn to a distant squirrel. The "squirrel judge" perhaps. Anyways, I broke through their line and made it to my car, peeling off in a hail of thrown hazelnuts.

Watch your backs people. They're out there. And they're watching for the moment of weakness.

Another form of hazing to be aware of is "dumpster diving." The critters at the University of Virginia engage in this ritual on a fairly regular basis. At first, I thought that this activity was merely a search for food. On closer inspection, I've noticed that these squirrels don't really "find" anything. They're showing off for the "judge." While this might seem the "safest" form of hazing, it too has it's share of hazards. -- Tim

that was really cute...but in actuality, the squirrels that run under your car are going for your brake lines--it's more of a conspiracy than a hazing ritual.

My mother and I witness this type of behavior on a daily basis as we drive to and from work. The nearest we can figure is that if the squirrel causes the car to screech to a halt, they are in the club. If the car is involved in an accident they get to be president of the club. If the accident causes the death of one or more of the humans in the car(s) then they get to start their own club.

We have a squirrel feeder in a tree in our front yard, and you are absolutely correct. Squirrels do tempt fate! The one we see most often is Fat Fred. He eats corn kernels until his little tummy isn't little any longer. He does a very nice job of freezing when we open the front door to get a better look!

Gross, disgusting, sick, I love it! Those damn things have not only engaged in racing cars but they have now taken to faster moving vehicles such as my motorcycle. While I haven't gotten to know any of their names yet, I'll let you know if it ever gets that personal (if I'm still alive!).

Several years ago I began to notice what I thought to be a senseless rash of squirrel suicides. I spoke to my friends and co-workers about this, and everyone thought I was NUTS (no pun intended).

Thank you for finally putting this matter to rest for me. Now I can concentrate on other important questions of life, like how they transport giraffes. --kf

Myself and a group of nameless friends were walking to an early morning chemistry class. We were talking about the exceptional numbers of squirrels on campus that year and that they seemed to be rapidly increasing. I formulated a theory that they were congregating and that soon the campus was to be taken over by guerilla squirrels seeking revenge for treatment as second class citizens. No sooner had I voiced this theory than an acorn came whizzing down from the tree we were walking under and missed me by mere inches. I firmly believe this was an attempt on my life by the squirrel masses. I have kept my silence ever since.

Be warned... expose not the secrets of the squirrels... they know where you live!!

(fortunately I haven't seen many of them using computers... so they probably haven't discovered your web page.... yet.)

Here in Norman Oklahoma, Home of the Sooners, (University of Oklahoma), we must have squirrels of the Sooner Variety as they jump the gun and demand their booty in the am rather than the pm, in fact some can be seen on the way to class in the early am. They have also have migrated from the campus all over town where hazing of the car chasing type can be seen going amuck. Also have migrated to my acreage on the southern shores of beautiful Lake Dirtybird (Otherwise known as Lake Thunderbird, well known for having displaced Shawnee Indian Tribal grounds and actor James Gardner's Home place) where they seem to get their best joy out of taunting schnauzers. They have even been observed jumping to the ground, stealing the schnauzer's favorite chew stick and then running quickly back up tree. Rita the Infamous Internet Dog states that this criminal activity has got to STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or she will call the Dog Police!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I take it that you've been keeping up on prairie dog gang behavior as well: the noted naturalist and drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs wrote about the problems with prairie dogs in his book _The Cosmic Wisdom of Joe Bob Briggs_ several years ago. As he pointed out, "If you've ever had a friend catch a mesquite thorn in his cheek from a pd 'slinger', you'll never again hesitate to pour 1500 rounds of lead into the furry cheeks of a resisting rodent."

Besides, we all know the real problem: iguanas. Iguanas enjoy eating red hair, and I suspect that the current crop of redheaded actresses on television today (running the gamut from "Frazier" to "Babylon 5" to "Married...with Children") is an iguana plot to convince their human chattel to breed more of their favorite treats. Either that, or the iguanas are themselves pawns of the Komodo dragon military-industrial complex...

The squirrels in our neighborhood perform a ritual known as "jumping from the big oak tree to the 2 story house". The further away from the house, the higher the judges' scores. There are variations on the theme ranging from the porch roof (for beginners) to hitting the peak of the gable.

I work with troubled teens for a living, but after reading your report on squirrel hazing, I'm changing my profession. I think it's our civic duty to help these poor squirrels, working together we can make a change. Squirrel counselor...hmmm...could be the next big thing in mental health.

She was driving down the road and noticed a Squirrel sitting on the side of the road about 20 ft ahead of her. Knowing about Squirrel Hazing, she became cautious and kept an eye on him.

Suddenly in front of her comes a squirrel running as fast as he can right for her...she swerved out of the way and then noticed in her rear view mirror that the charging squirrel joined the other and they scurried off.

No squirrels were harmed by us.

Unless they were of a lower rank and tried to steal our nest, stash, and/or babies.