5/6/97

Greetings Squirrel Hazing people;

I am maddog909 (not my real name) and for many years now I have headed the Pogo Foundation in its frustrating drive to save the opossum (America's only marsupial). Most people seem to think, because they see opossums squashed on the roads of the northeastern states, (in the southwest it's the armadillo, often erroneously called possum on the half-shell, when in fact they are not related--to each other or to me)-- that there are such huge numbers of opossums back in the wilderness that they are spilling out onto the roads.

Alas, the sad fact is that 98 percent of the nation's opossums live within 22 feet of roads (all too often superhighways). We here at the Foundation have always wondered why this is so and now, thanks to your home page, we have some new theories to explore. We had settled on 2 favorite theories:

The road kill-munching theory (one often sees, and occasionally runs over, a possum standing over the corpus of another--and one is tempted to wonder "are you dining or mourning, little fella?). and; The-incredibly-stupid-creature-attracted-to whirling-hubcaps-and-the-smell-of- asphalt theory.

Now this new hazing thing. Most of us here at the Foundation doubt that opossums possess the intellectual equipment for hazing behavior. They have brains the size of pine nuts. Squirrels, on the other hand, exhibit great ingenuity as evidenced by their turning even the best protected bird feeders into squirrel feeders. But we must explore this hazing concept, so we'll apply for another fat research grant immediately before we go on with our mission: To train an elite cadre of opossums in highway safety and then breed or (and this is still theoretical and awaiting yet another massive infusion of grant money) clone this street savvy marsupials and restock the horribly possum-depleted roadsides of this great nation.

Thank you again.

cheers,

maddog909

5/10/97

I applaud your efforts to cease the ritual hazing among squirrels. All too often these childish shows of macho-ism lead to injury and death. It is nice to see CHAOS involved in such a worthy cause. Why should our squirrel population be subjected to such cruelties by their own kind when they could be so much more. The advancement of squirrels is something that everyone should be concerned with. We mustn't lose another young life.

-A concerned friend of the squirrels....Angela

5/13/97

I have witnessed several of these hazing rituals. Let me say I was shocked to find out that other people had noticed them to. At first I thought I was wacko. I'm glad I'm not the only one looking into the cruel squirrel hazing rituals. At this point, I haven't noticed any rituals not yet mentioned. But if I uncover any other barbaric accounts, I will E-Mail you. --S. Edgar

5/14/97

THANK YOU FOR NOT BEING AFRAID TO SEE AND PRINT THE TRUTH WE'VE ALL DENIED FOR YEARS.....WE MUST LOOK IN THE OTHER DIRECTION NO MORE...I WILL HELP..... TRACY

5/20/97

Dear Sir,

Recently my sister hit a squirrel while driving to work. She is a big animal lover (she's not big, her love for animals is) When I read your report I was happy to relieve some of her guilt by providing her with this new found information. You have done a world of good to many folks in squirrel country. Many thanks to you and your staff.

LOL, Judy

5/21/97

You rule!

Here at the University, the resident squirrels (without exception morbidly obese and glossy-coated) routinely mug tourists foolish enough to picnic in the Yard of their lunches. Many think it's cute and snap pictures, but some, either due to hunger or cultural background will strike the squirrel a swift and deadly blow with a sensible walking shoe. I never understood why a rational animal such as a squirrel would risk death for a half of a ham on rye and part of a pickle until I read the materials on your website exposing the shocking truth about squirrel hazing.

Thank you for solving the mystery.

Roo

5/22/97

I thoroughly enjoyed your Squirrel-Hazing web page. My wife and I have observed that nearly 50 percent of the squirrels we've encountered in the United States running out in front of automobiles actually get halfway across the street, then, when they realize a car's coming, turn around and run back to where they just came from. And I don't mean they were on the left side of the road, ran halfway across to our side, then ran back. No, I mean they started out on OUR side, ran toward where "safety" was mere feet away, but turned back; thereby, placing themselves in jeopardy. We live in the Republic of Panama now and although we do have squirrels here, they don't seem to have the propensity for running out in front of cars; at least not here in the former Canal Zone. We have the rodentia equivalent, though; Agoutis--or nequis (pronounced nyekees; or, in Spanglish--nickies). They are like squirrels. They run across the road a lot (and get run down a lot), but never stop and turn back. They're very shy, too. I've never seen one challenge a dog, cat, or person. Mostly, they'll high-tail it if you turn your head in their direction. So it's pretty hard to haze an agouti in Panama. The closest thing to it would be to assign and agouti-hazing judge to hang around long enough to see which one carries the biggest mango to its hidden ground-level nest.

Thanks.

Rob Lane

5/29/97

Hello! This is just a quick note to let you know how much I enjoyed your Squirrel Hazing site. =) Personally, I take a much dimmer view of rodent activity, having been the victim of a squirrel-related traffic accident several years ago. That was the impetus behind my Squirrel Conspiracies page:

http://www.geckoplex.com/geckoplex_dbmdata/sqrl/sqrl.dbm

I'll be updating the squirrel links in the next week or so, and I'd love to include a link to your site as an alternative explanation. Who should be credited as the author?

John Doppler,

Geckoplex Janitor

5/30/97

my question is..... what role do coal-black squirrels play in this horror? these squirrels live exclusively in a housing development called "Stuyvesant town" in New York City. are they ringleaders or mere victims?

anxiously yours, wendy