6/1/97

Hi there. You have an excellent page. However, here's another theory. Squirrels are actually humans who die with a lot of bad karma. They are forced to exist as squirrels to pay off their karmic debt to society. They live their squirrel lives knowing they must at the last possible second dash in front of moving vehicles. It terrifies them, yet they are powerless to stop themselves. They know what their ultimate end will be. The morale of this story is: stop bad karma now, before it is too late! (giggle giggle)

Well, some co-workers and I came up with that one day at work. Feel free to use it on your web page as an alternate theory if you want. Have a nice day! -- Kaia

6/2/97

I am shocked beyond belief at the squirrel hazing conspiracy of furry tailed rodents revealed.....further proof of their intention to conquer and harass The Free World As We Know It......the expensive pepper-based squirrel repellent so widely advertised in garden shops is a preferred delicacy among both red and gray squirrels, while causing great distress among both dogs and cats. Let the buyer beware! -- Sandy

6/4/97

To say that this web site is a public service is an understatement! A massive concerted effort needs to me made to immediately inform our congress of this effort to educate the masses. Any congress that can fund a study of "The Picnicability of Areas in Western Montana" to the tune of $2.2 million, and a $1.87 million study that produced definitive proof that the older one gets the more birthdays one has(!)[emphasis mine] can not be left ignorant of the obvious benefit to the nation this web page brings. Suggest we all start deluging our elected representatives and demand the start funding THE complete study on squirrel hazing immediately. -- Thanks, Mike S.

6/5/97

You left out a very important event in the squirrel hazing. It is 'tree jumping'. I have witnessed several squirrels jump from tree to tree, some of them expanding great widths. Some of the unlucky ones fall and depending on where they land, can be seriously injured. I don't know if you have noticed, but squirrels lack the unique ability to land on their feet, unlike their gifted feline enemies. There seems to be more adventure to this event if a dog or cat is chasing the squirrel. The animal kingdom seems to hold this sport in high regard, for I have witnessed rabbits, possums, and the occasional raccoon observing the squirrels as they perform these death defying stunts. There could be many more events that the little devils keep secret from the human eye, performing them deep in their forest homes. I wonder what prizes are awarded to the courageous ones who make it through the events with their heads still intact?

Josh Ashley

6/6/97

I was very stunned to learn about Squirrel Hazing. Thank you for providing such a comprehensive report!

Something which was not addressed (maybe still unknown or a recent development) is how Squirrel Hazing has led to aggressive behaviors from squirrels against people. Just today I was nearly attacked by a squirrel while taking a stroll. The only thing that saved me was the squirrel finally noticed the I was not carrying any nuts (I had a bag of marbles in my hands). After reading your information, I now know that my attacker was probably hoarding for a cheek-bursting ritual.

What can be done by the average person to stop this insanity?

-Lisa

6/8/97

I am a squirrel. Thank you for this, It has changed my life. Now my neighborhood of squirrels will no longer be bored. Now we know the proper way to haze and score. By typing this while the person is on the can I earned 75 points. Please add net surfing to the list.

Bob the Squirrel

P.S. I am typing this with my cheeks full of nuts (which earns me 75 bonus points)

6/10/97

Hi,

A couple of more or less serious thought from an "alternative ultimate squirrel hazer," that is, a squirrel hunter.

Squirrels in the woods often exhibit the same behavior as they do in front of cars -- erratic changes of directions. My theory is that this is an instinctive tactic to escape from predators. It probably works well against a chasing fox, owl, or bobcat. But it is sometimes fatal with a car that is not following but is going in a straight line. The result can be the same in the woods if the squirrel is not sure of the hunter's direction, and runs into the gun rather than away from it.

In the 19th century there were several reports of mass squirrel migrations. Every 15-20 years thousands and thousands of them would be seen moving in a generally southwest direction -- like from New England towards Texas. After about 1880 these reports stopped, apparently because the numbers of squirrels had dwindled owing to continued human hazing.

--Jacques

6/10/97

Yes, you people are nuts. I like that. Got here by way of TUTIC.

I hope you will have enough funds to continue your work and perhaps even expand your research to include the terrible plight of the mid western field mouse. It seems that they too have developed some rituals that are extremely dangerous; primarily the removal of Combine hubcaps during harvest time. Little is known about this recent trend but I am certain that with your dedication and energy you will be able to document these horrific events and help to bring this information to the fore, saving the lives of many of these misguided creatures.

Thank you for your excellent work. Please let me know if there is some way that I can contribute to this cause.

Sincerely,

Rocky Jay

6/11/97

Great Site!!

There is one squirrel hazing endeavor that I believe you've missed however. If it were to be categorized, I believe it would be called "bird taunting". It's the activity of stealthily approaching a blue jay's nest and upsetting the Jay to the point that it chases after the squirrel, usually forcing the squirrel to perform high speed acrobatics around a tree, and sometimes even resulting in paw to talon combat in the leaves on the forest floor. Surely this activity is the result of forced hazing. Why else would these squirrels antagonize perfectly innocent blue jays and get themselves embroiled in these dangerous escapades?

--Jason

6/13/97

I saw your site. I wept until I stopped. Then I went out and got a bagel with lox and onions. I came home and wept again, this time loudly so others would notice...

Seriously, a great site; there aren't enough funny pages on the Web. Your bit about the bird feeder took me back to my childhood days, when my control-freak electrical engineer of a father rigged up an electric current to run through the support wires of a bird feeder whenever a squirrel tried to tightrope-walk to the food. The getup worked for about two weeks, until one squirrel leapt up quite high from the electric shock and landed right on the support wire again, pulling the wires out and spilling the feeder onto the ground. That's when Dad chucked the engineering and started reading Darwin's theories on natural selection...

--Kcar

6/16/97

Thank you for this truly life changing site. Until I found this site I had not been able to sleep. Let me explain, about 6 weeks ago my dog "Pockets," a 105 lb. Chesapeake Bay Retriever had been gleefully engaged in a game of chase with 2 young squirrels. These youngsters were taunting "Pockets" until she would give chase. I had gathered my wife and 2 kids (ages 3 and 7) around the window to watch this happy scene. Then suddenly and without warning one of the squirrels plummeted about 15 feet to the ground. At first we thought a stick had fallen out of the tree. But this "stick" tried to run only to be caught by the playful "Pockets". It took me all of about 7 seconds to get out the door and to the dog but the young squirrel had already "bit the big one" or maybe I should say the big one had already bit the little one. I haven't slept well since witnessing this horror and don't know if my children have been permanently damaged (my 3 year old has dismembered several "beanie babies" since this incident). Now that I have located your site I know my family was the unknowing witness to a cruel case of "squirrel hazing".

Thank you for this valuable information. My family can now get on with our lives knowing that we couldn't have prevented this tragedy of nature. Therapy will know be much easier.

--Hank

6/20/97

Now that i have learned about squirrel hazing I will help stop it thank you for making this informative page. I have had an encounter with a squirrel judge. After reading this page I decided to observe a group of squirrels meeting in my back yard. They were lined in a semicircle with the hazees in the center stuffing their cheeks. off to the side i saw a strange looking squirrel who if any squirrels approached he would go wild. I also noticed him sucking some peanut oil!!! It was a terrible sight seeing the squirrels making fun of the hazees and the judge made them keep stuffing. THERE IS A TERRIBLE NEW DISCOVERY I HAVE FOUND!!! Some of these psychotic peanutholic judges torture the hazees with MULTIPLE HAZINGS!!! I immediately broke up the group when i noticed this. I took in the hazees as pets and have given them medical attention and I am starting up a Squirrel Crisis Center for medical and psychiatric help to hazees.

------A. Pearson

6/20/97

I noticed one morning while eating breakfast that my bird bath was tipped over! I went out and put it back together again to notice moments later that it was tipped over again! After reassembling it again I watched carefully as 2 squirrels approached and jumped at it while clawing madly. After several minutes down went the bird feeder spilling water all over the 2 squirrels. These cruel rituals have got to stop!

--Kris

6/21/97

I love your site about squirrel hazing, its so neat. The graphics were awesome and I loved the writing. Do you really think that squirrels are suicidal? Could be, but anyway your page was excellent and I found myself laughing over all the ideas.

you don't know me but my name is Martha

6/23/97

Squirrel Hazing has Increased!!!!

1 week ago while reading your site I was suddenly attacked by a band of squirrels in a hazing ritual. They have taken to, breaking into houses, rendering the occupants unconscious, stealing all the "planters" nuts, hanging the cat from his tail, and taunting him with his toy mousy! Such a horrible fate me and my family have had to endure! My cat is now in therapy at $75.00 a session and I find the only way to cope, is to sit in a corner with my back to my family and hit my head against the wall! The culprits also took my shiny new "Putter" and my unwashed collection of gym socks. These squirrels must be stopped!

Hurt And Confused in Fremont, CA

--Steve